TCOVE had chickens. CSU Fullerton has rabbits.

Sometimes I feel llike Winnie the Pooh..."Think, think, think" How the heck can I figure this out? Where in the world is the answer to this problem? Ever have a problem like that? One that you know there must be an answer to, and hey you're an intelligent person... right? So where is that blasted answer? "Think, think, think" *looks under the mouse pad*

If only I could learn that when I look the hardest for something it's going to elude me. When you go frantically rushing through the house searching for your keys, your eyes just can't see them. It's only when you think calmly that you remember where they are. Sometimes looking with your eyes doesn't work, you have to look with your mind. And sometimes thinking with your mind doesn't work, you have to think with your heart. Sometimes nothing works and you just have to wait.

And we think we have it so bad. I think I have it "so bad" a lot. But you know, it takes just one glimpse into a truly troubled life to make me realize all I have, all I take for granted every day. I am strengthened by the courage of others. To see someone who has sufficient reason to be pissed at the world stretch out open arms in love is amazing. This is the strength I strive to have. This is the person I want to be. Everytime, everywhere I see it, I take what I can and learn...and grow.

I love driving in the rain.

Today has been highly communicative thus far. I have received at least twice as many emails as usual, and from twice as many people. That's so cool. Anyway, I have secured myself an internship at O Entertainment. Ought to work out well. I am excited to start the final chapter of my undergraduate life. I am a little sleepy from last night's celebration, luckily I have nothing pressing (bad printshop humor) to do at work today. Heh :)

Rain. Oh yes, rain.

Today is my parents 30th wedding anniversary. That is incredible to me. I can't imagine having been a part of something for 30 years. Maybe it's because I can't get beyond the fact that I'm only 23. The level of committment it takes to make a marriage last 30 years is beyond my scope of understanding. I know it isn't easy. I know it isn't always hard. And I know they had no concept of that kind of time when they said their "I do"s. Making this milestone is highly commendable, and I am proud of my mom and dad.

I love you guys. Happy Anniversary.

Ever find yourself quitely singing a song, even in your mind...and completely butchering the lyrics? And it's not that you don't know the words, you just have been singing similar sounding words unknowingly. Heh, makes for some pretty interesting tunes.

THERE WAS LIFE BEFORE THE COMPUTER

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!
And if you had a broken disk,
It would hurt when you found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut- you did with a pocket knife
Paste- you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

*sigh* Another day of asking, "What do I want?" and "How do I get it?" The thing is when I stop asking, will it be a good thing or a bad thing?

Decisions, Decisions. So many to make right now, and I don't even know where to begin. There are doors to open or close in every aspect of my life: school, work, personal, medical. I feel lost in a sea of indecision. How will I ever sort through all of this and find my life at the end? Or more importantly, will I be happy when I do find it? I guess if i am not I will just have a whole new set of doors to choose from.

"P" Day is Here!

Today, January 17th, is "Promise Day"! Before you go scrambling to find a calendar, relax...I invented it. By now I'd say puffed up New Year's resolutions have whithered back down into realities. Long term goals are still looming large. But here is a chance to committ to something and make it stick. Make a promise today. Promises can be made to yourself or others. They can be big, small, serious or ridiculous. You can make one, or 7 or 100. Share or not. Care or not. This isn't about me...it's about you. I would encourage you to write them down somewhere, the action tends to make you think a little more and remember a little better. Well, that's it, pretty simple I'd say. Have an absolutely wonderful Promise Day! :)

Here is me all day: *...(breathe)...(sigh)...(look at the clock)...(breathe)...*

It's a little something I like to call, "TECH SUPPORT SUCKS!!!" Seriously, this is day 2 in the battle against Pacific Bell dsl. In fact, I am holding "for the next available technician" even as I type. Before I go into this rant full force, let me just say that these ppl, all 27,000 that I have talked to in the last 2 days, have been exceptionally courteous, just irritatingly uninformed and decidedly useless! (This is not an attack on the individuals, i'm sure they are very nice and treat their pets well.) Anyway, so here I am experiencing technical difficulties, which I have been saying all along was a software problem, which has now been corroborated. But I can't tell you the countless idiots that asked me where I had the modem plugged into. HELLO FRIGGIN' MORON! There are 3 damn cords that come out of this blasted piece of equipment: a power cord, an ethernet cable, and a phone cord. It's not like you can mess that up. "Hmmm, I bet this power cable goes into the phone jack..." NOT!

Okay, here's the next thing...what part of "I'm on a Mac" don't you understand? Here are the some of the questions I got asked:
"Do you see those little computer screens in the right corner of the task bar?"
I'm on a Mac.
"Are you using the right click?"
I'm on a Mac.
"Go to 'Add/Remove Programs'"
I'm on a Mac.
"See the 'Start' menu in the left corner?"

Good thing I can tell the difference between a Mac and a PC or I'd really be screwed. Hey, maybe I should get into tech support, I can BS and tell people to look for things that aren't there, then politely explain that, "It sounds like you need to talk to our (fill in the blank) dept. Here I'll patch you through" and then hang up. Simple. I wonder how much it pays to frustrate ppl for a living.

Anyway..."We appreciate your patience. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order it was received."

Okay, it hurts to blink. I have the world's biggest headache today. Actually, I had it last night and it decided to stick around. So I've loaded up on advil and I am braving the day of work that awaits. However, if the day of work doesn't happen to fill up the whole day and I still feel like crap, I'm going home.

Feelings really get me sometimes. Ever feel something of a tangible intensity? It usually starts in the chest, and if you sit quietly and close your eyes for a moment you can feel it spread. A warmness fills your torso and moves through your arms and legs. It flows like a slow-moving trickle of liquid emotion to all of your extremities and out to the very tips of your fingers and toes. Then all of a sudden it rises to the surface of your skin, almost feels like a sunburn. The feeling can be overwhelmingly good, bad or unrecognizable. I usually take any opportunity to feel those intense emotions, it helps me to know the fullness of life.

I am feeling much more alive today. I took a nice 2 hour nap, mmmmm sleep is sooo good. I need to eat something, my stomach grumbles are becoming audible and I haven't eaten since breakfast.

A word about interviews. I've had 2 this week that have been unlike any I've ever had before. One guy asked me what movies I'd seen recently and what I liked about them...cool. One guy had candles on his desk and the lights off, it was kind of like interviewing in a spa massage cubicle. They both wanted to know what I knew about their companies...lesson one:do your homework. Even though they didn't expect me to know very much, I think it would've been to my benefit to know some of the names better. Anyway, it's all looking very promising.

Okay, I am exhausted. I am weak-in-the-knees, dizzy, and spent the entire day zoned out. I have got to rest. I haven't been sleeping well or enough all week. I feel like there is something I should be saying or a story I should tell, but for the life of me I can't think of what it might be. I'll get back to you all after my brain has rested. *passes out*

Ever sit in bumper to bumper traffic for 2 hours, in the pouring rain, then get lost in the ghetto for another 1.5 hours, all while a major metropolis is flooding right before your eyes? I don't recommend it. And no, I'm not done battling the traffic and weather for the night either. *sigh*

I have 4 interviews set up for my internship. It's the wierdest feeling to me to actually be reaching for those stars I have been gazing at for so long. Of course my internship will not be glamorous, and it probably won't hand me a movie deal, but hey...it's a start. I'm excited..and a little scared, but I'm ready.

Morning cometh too fast. Last night seems as though it was really long, still I don't feel rested enough. I rarely do. Ah well, just another day in paradise.

I am inching my way closer to a B.A. Today I signed up for the last class I need to graduate. I still have a lot of little nitty-gritty stuff to do, but I am very close to the end of my undergraduate program. I have 2 interviews this week for my internship, which may or may not have a significant bearing on my future in the entertainment industry. Still so hard to see the path before me, but I know it's there. Anyway, I could use a prayer or two. At this point, I don't even know what to hope for.

I'm not a person of frivilous, wasteful living. I consider myself to be very responsible about all of the choices I make, even down to eating in when I have an amazing craving for a In-n-Out burger. I deprive myself of smaller pleasures for many reasons: to save money, to force myself to eat healthier, to prove to myself I do not have to succumb to every whim, to flex the muscle of will power. I've come to realize something though. After a season of deprivation, the craving goes away. That could be a good thing, but more often than not I am left with an empty spot. The desire for something creates a compartment in my soul, when the want is satisfied, it gets filled. But if I go on pretending it doesn't exist, the desire shrinks into nothing and the space remains. This is not a lesson in reckless abandon. I still think there is great need for self restraint, especially in the world we live in. But I have decided that I do not want to become a large warehouse of emptiness, that once was the home of so many hopes. Hope is the only thing that lives when everything else has whithered and died. I will still be responsible, but I will not let the desires of my heart die.

Wow. One minute I'm just sitting here and the next, I am master of my own blog. Finally! A forum by which I can rule the world! *cracks whip* Heh heh. Okay, not really but this is pretty amazing. :) Thx, Merc.

Back
to School



We all groan at the prospect of returning to homework, labs
and long boring lectures. We lose our summer leisure and any
hope for a free weekend. "I can't wait till I'm out of school!"
We've all said it a million times. Well, this year I'm a Senior
and I actually *am* going to graduate in May. Standing at the
end of a hideous line in the bookstore, it hit me. I can't imagine
life without school. I've been in it for the past 18 years.
And while I find myself somewhat elated at the thought of "no
homework", a part of me is seriously going to miss this aspect
of life. Every class I've taken in college has been interesting
(at least in subject matter), and I honestly love learning.




I have yet to decide how to handle this dilemma. But I have
a feeling that higher education has not seen the last of me.
It makes me feel better to say that, kind of like when I left
home. I knew I could come back and visit.

Trespassing

There
is much to be said for following the rules. It's safer, easier
and the right thing to do. Every once in a while though, you gotta
push the envelope just to keep life interesting. Well, in the
spirit of interesting living, Merc and I took a trip to Universal
Studios (Hollywood). We toured around the theme park, saw a few
shows. As the tram shuttled us through the largest studio backlot
in Los Angeles, there was a bit of a gleam in my eye. I love movies.
I want to make movies. Seeing cinematic history close-up always
gets me. Little did I know how close-up this experience would
be.

The
tram ride ended and Merc got a mischievious look. He started thinking
out loud. "We could just walk right through there." I tried to
reason him out of it, but then I thought, "Hey, what am I doing?
I'd love to walk around those sets!" So there it was, I shut up
and followed his lead. The funny thing is that it was really easy.
We walked past the same security guard twice and he didn't even
bat an eye. Making sure to look non-chalant and keeping off the
tram path, we started out.

We
found the house from "The Grinch". At first, it was way too surreal.
I couldn't believe I was actually standing there. We heard the
tram coming so we ducked inside the façade. As it was going
by, I noticed a Christmas light that had fallen on the ground,
so I kept it (hehe). Next we snuck in through the back of the
Bates' Motel. A
creaky old door was slamming in the wind and adding to the already
creepy surroundings. We took some awesome pictures that were worth
any trouble we were going to get into.

We
walked back toward the Jurassic Park 3 sets, which were not yet
complete. So Merc pushed aside some paint cans and hopped up on
the table for a photo opportunity.
After that we ended up having to walk on the Tram path, so we
just made sure that when they went by our conversation and jestures
were very "film crew" looking. Musta worked, cause nobody stopped
us. We walked down the neighborhood street that was home to the
exterior sets of: Harvey, Leave it to Beaver, The Hardy Boys,
Providence and many more. Just then Merc spotted a guy in a golf
cart, watching us. Uh-oh. Now what? Well, Merc told me to ask
him what time it was. I did. He told us. We left. Cool.

We
toured through the Old West, Little Europe, and Sparticus Square,
even got lucky and found a bathroom, heh. All good times and smooth
sailing until we wandered into the props area. We had just approached
the giant shopping cart from "The Incredible Shrinking Woman",
when a security officer pulled up. "Um, do you guys work here?"
He seemed concerned that he was going to get in more trouble than
we were. So we politely got in the car and apologized, claiming
the curiosity defense. He was very cool though, gave us a ride
back into the park, and actually before he left, he apologized
to us.

The
rest of the day we walked around high-fiving each other for being
so cool. We paid our admission price and got a priceless experience
in return. It was way more fun that following the rules.

(Note:
Mercuryfrog.com, nor it's supporters, nor the writer of this article
in anyway condone tresspassing or other disregard for law.)